16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
