I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
