if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
