Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
