Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
