I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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