Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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