Ambien. No doubt about it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
