This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
