i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
