How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
