I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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