I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
