What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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