I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
