sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize