giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
