She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
