I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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