Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Buhtt sex?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
