I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
