people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
