She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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