her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
