The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
