I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Did I show you my penis last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
