we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
