if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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