I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize