Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize