its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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