bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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