That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
