if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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