Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
