K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love having hate sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
