Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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