So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
