u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
