...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
