and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize