Your tits are I can't wait for
Soap is not a condiment
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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