please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
