she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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