What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
