bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
