awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
