Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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