No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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