I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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