so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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