I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
