Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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