Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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