haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
