I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
