literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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