Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
this hospital has no fireball
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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