there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
