so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
