This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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