the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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