those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
