So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize