Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize