This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
