I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
