I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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