So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
