just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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