i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
